Fortune Cookie Says:

-- Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead to undoing of fly.

-- Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone.

-- Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.

-- Man with one chopstick go hungry.

-- Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.

-- War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left.

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Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me I'm going in.

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

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* ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.

* ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
* ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

* ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

* ON A FROZEN DINNER:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

* ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
Fits one head.

* ON TESCO''S TIRAMISU DESERT:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

* ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
Product will be hot after heating.

* ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
Do not iron clothes on body.

* ON BOOTS CHILDRENS'' COUGH MEDICINE:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

* ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

* ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

* ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
Not to be used for the other use.

* ON SAINSBURY''S PEANUTS:
Warning: contains nuts.

* ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

* ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

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Enjoy!